I kept a journal throughout our travels, and I'll be blogging about that all soon. Just thinking of reliving it through words bring a smile to my face!
(approaching Arthurs Seat trail in Edinburgh, Scotland.)
I've had mixed emotions coming back home. Excitement - ready for the new chapter of house buying/wedding planning (yep, he popped the question!!), but also that end-of-holiday dread that many of us know well. Last Monday morning, I skipped into work. I felt expanded, open. My head felt clear. Everything was exactly the same, but this time I felt a little different. But I'll be honest here - there was a niggling bit of fear in the back of my mind. I no longer had my holiday holding me back from making a change in my work life. I've come home, and there's wide open space and time. I've come home, and it was Time To Make A Decision.
But you know what? It's been a week now, and I'm trying a new approach. I'm taking a hiatus from planning and analysing. I'm putting aside this (incredibly unhelpful) self-induced pressure. For now, there is so much change and drama surrounding me. So, for now, I'm sitting back and observing.
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I'd put so much pressure on myself to have a life altering epiphany on my holiday. I even 'joked' to my friends that my Epiphany Day was scheduled for our train ride from Paris to Switzerland. I imagined myself gazing out the window to the French countryside, and it was supposed to 'come to me'. But it didn't.
I've arrived home, yes - lighter, happier, but in many ways, the same.
It's funny - we are surrounded by the Wild's and the Eat Pray Love's of the world, and we get these expectation of our travelling experiences.
But - what if we don't find ourselves? What if that Epiphany Day didn't materialise?
For me, I've learnt that it simply means it wasn't meant to. It reminded me to stop looking externally for self-fulfilling purposes. The holiday still provided me with so much, and it simply meant that I had other treasures to search for - or in this case, souvenirs.
For me, a week after being home, one of my most apparent souvenirs from our holiday has been space. This openness and expansion.
And it's funny. Just by taking a break, and finding this inner-space, I have been opening doors.
While I have seemingly been sitting back, observing, and practicing patience, opportunities have arisen. I am now facing a promotion at work which will potentially provide me with both better pay and improved working hours. With better hours, I can find (flexible!) structure in my life. To me, this means being able to schedule in time for self care (yoga, meditation, exercise), as well as spending more time with loved ones. I am faced with something I didn't even realise I was truly craving in my life.
I don't know what will come of it all, but through this I have been reminded of something I forget from time to time - We are being guided. We are being supported.
'If you knew who walked beside you on this path that you have chosen, fear would be impossible'
- A Course In Miracles.
Take a break, to open doors. Trust. And sit back to see what comes your way.
